Use the fewest words possible to convey your message
People are busy. They want to find the underlying information quickly. If they don’t, they are likely to give up and move on.
The sentence below was used by someone who wished to tell her clients that under certain circumstances they could get their confirmation deposits back. She wrote:
Total: 11 words. The same information could be better conveyed by six words:
LESSON 1, PART 2
Use the active voice
Bureaucracies often use the passive voice. It’s unfriendly. It sounds as though something will happen without human intervention and that no individual or group is willing to take responsibility.
We can continue to improve the original sentence by changing it to: