The language of romance

BedofRosesKitI am browsing the Hallmark wedding anniversary site. (Seventeen years: furniture.) Rarely do I click on other links, and I can’t even retrace how I got to this site (no, honestly), but suddenly I find myself at www.romanticgifts.com and thence at The Bed of Roses Kit.

Suspending my natural cynicism, I give it a chance. I read the brief directions:

While you light candles, put champagne on ice, and scatter rose petals amidst the bed sheets your loved one will receive a discreet invitation to a night of romance.

Well, fine. Perhaps the rose petals are provided. Would they be dried? Trying not to think about cleaning up after the rose petals have been dallied on, I continue:

When they arrive their breath will be stolen by the array of amorous. If a carpet of rose petals isn’t love then what is?

Is there a word missing from the first sentence?

I am unable to answer the second sentence.

Progress the evening with chocolate massage oil and massager, than let love take it’s course.

OK, now the mood is ruined. I am entirely unable to progress the evening because of that apostrophe. Another night of love sidelined by bad punctuation.

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